I need to De-clutter ASAP!

So things have been hectic lately. With me choosing to go to night school at Paul Mitchell, I knew I needed to step it up in the work department and find a better paying, more full time job. The Preschool is great but unfortunatly about a month ago I got sat down by the director and she informed me that they have decided to close my class for the new school year. She said that not enough children enrolled this year to have 2 Pre-K classes and because of that, they were gonna close mine, but not to worry cause they love me a lot and want to keep me, so they would move me into a floating position or I could teach a younger class, like 2 years olds. Im sorry...but changing other peoples children's poopy diapers is not realy my thing. So I reluctantly accepted the Floating position, what else could I do? I didnt have any other job linded up. But I do NOT want to float. The job doesnt pay much to begin, why in the world would I wanna go around and give people breaks? Im not even teaching anymore...so alas it was time to go on the job hunt, once again. *sigh*

I looked in to Macy's in cosmetics and to make a long story short, they are kind of disorganized and I felt like they were pulling me a long for about a month, interview here, interview there, never a straight answer about a job. They offered me a postion about 3 weeks ago and told me that it was only on-call. Basically I have to start from the bottom up and it is where I come in (if i want to pick it up) remember those key words, when someone is sick. Basically the opposite of full time. So I accepted thinking I would probably just find something else all together. (ps...after I trained I didnt hear from them for a week. I wasnt ecen sure if I worked there anymore)

I went to Victoria's Secret as a last resort because no matter what I NEED FULL TIME HOURS!!! It's my favorite store ever. I could seriously spend all my money there, I dont know how I fell about working there, but it was worth a shot. I applied, they called for an interview and I waited.

In the meantime Macy's calls me they other day and tells me that they have me scheduled for all next week...what? I havent heard from them in a week and now my "on-call" position of picking up shifts when I am available has turned into scheduling me whenever you want? Dont get me wrong, I am grateful, but they are pretty inconsistant I must say.

Ok so yesterday Victoria's Secret called me after contacing my referances, and offered me the job. YAY! But they have me scheduled next week for all this training because I made my availablity open, becuase I knew I would be leaving the preschool, I just didnt think it would happen so fast and now here I am scheduled during my preschool hours.
...I had to take a step back and look at everything going on here. Im still with the school 8 to 12:30 monday through friday..But Macy's has me scheduled almost everyday next week whenever they want, and VS over here has me training on some of the days that Im at Macy's. Crap, something has to go, and FAST! Obviously Im planning on still leaving the school, but professionally you are supposed to give 2 weeks notice, but with 2 other jobs scheduling me wherever they like, Im basically flying by the seat of my pants, and have to get out of there as quickly as possible to loosen up my schedule fast. So what do I do? Is it bad to only give a one weeks notice? They have NO idea I am even planning on leaving! I feel bad, they have been really good to me, they gave me back my classroom with not reservations when I came back from MO, but I have to do what is best for me.

Now what to do about VS and Macy's situation. VS knows my school plans and is willing to work with that, and they have given me an ACTUAL position in the store. Not just some on-call thing. So ultimatly they are the much better choice, but Macy's has the potential of becoming full time if I work hard, but they cannot promise it, and its really speratic and random. I wont even know when I am going to work until the week of, which doesn't help with wanting to keep both places. Plus VS interviewed me, was staright forward with me within a week, while Macy's has been making my chase my tail for a month. I dont feel obligated to make them my top priority.
I feel like 2 jobs just isn't going to work for me. I wish it could, but maybe if I wasn't going to school it would. I just need help, suggestions, advice.

I have a headache.

I took a nap...

and had a dream we were having a baby. That's all.

the girl who never finishes what she starts

Throughout my entire life I have never been good at finishing things that I start. It doesn't matter if it was a project at school, day planners, journals, diaries, scrapbooks, or even the laundry. In general I am an EXTREMLY fickle about most things in life. In high school I could not decide where I wanted to go to college, In college I couldn't decide what I wanted to study. With boyfriends I would fixate on what I wanted, change my mind, lead them on, and then turn around and be totally infatuated with them.
Making up my mind has never been easy for me and I think people might think im really foolish for constantly changing my mind, and I can understand that, but in truth I just really have all these ideas of things I want to be, I just want to do it all, be skilled in it all. Can you really blame me for that?

When I was in college I was going to school for a major in Health Science. I planned on taking that back to Colorado and becoming a dental hygienist. Was that what I really wanted to do with my career? No. Not really. I was going to do it because I knew that it made a good amount of money for a single person and that it was a really safe career path to take. When I was back in CO, I did dental schooling and then started working in Cosmetic Dentistry office as a dental assistant. I did that for about half a year. I can honestly say that it was the most miserable job I have ever experienced. I hated every single minute of working there. Not because it I was bad at it, actually I was quite skilled and quite good. But it was just too serious for me, there was not enough play, there was not enough fun.

I left that office and started to really think about my life and the things that I wanted and where I wanted to go. I decided to take a turn to a career path that I had always thought would be fun and something I was good at. Teaching preschool. What did I have to lose? I found a preschool and the same day I applied I was hired on the spot. Over almost the next year I fell in love. I fell in love with the kids, my co-workers, everything about the job came naturally any I enjoyed going to work everyday. I felt like I had finally found my calling in life. :)

Then I moved to Utah so Scott could continue to go to BYU. I moved to a Preschool here in Provo and honestly, its harder than I woul dhave ever expected. The pay is so bad, and even working full time, we are behind on everything. It has made me feel so pathetic and worthless. There has been nights that I have cried for hours on end because I felt like I failed, I failed myself, I failed my husband, and I just am good for nothing. Now I realize that is not the case, but it just get down sometimes and cant help but beat myself up. We decided that the best thing for me to do is for me to go back to school. It will help us get ahead in the long run and help me feel like im contributing more.

We came to the conclusion that right now, while I need to be working full time to keep the income, and where Scott's schooling is the most important, we can't exactly afford for me to go to school full time while he is as well. Well here is what we have decided...Im going to go to Cosmotology school!!!! Paul Mitchell to exact. Im pretty good at hair naturally and I have always had a talent for that kind of stuff; make-up, and hair. This program while help me get a job in a salon a lot faster than waiting to go back to school. Don't get me wrong, Im not changing my career again. I definetly want to and am going finish my education at a University for Early Childhood Ed or Elementary Ed but right now this is what will help our family the most in our current situation, and help us get ahead financially while Scott is trying to finish school. My true love is teaching children, and I will return, you mark my words, but we feel like this is a really good move for us.

...and I'm not gonna lie, Im pretty excited. :) I start night classes September 13th. I finally want to finish something I start. Start to finish, all the way, no changing my mind. I need this for me.

when Ashley came

So for the last few weeks my best friend from San Diego Ashley had been telling me that she was sending me something. She said it was a surprise so I checked the mail everyday. On Thursday of last week the doorbell rang and I went to answer it, even though I wasn't expecting anyone. When I opened the door Ashley was standing there with her boyfriend. I was shocked I couldn't believe it!
It was the most amazing surprise ever!
I usually love to ruin my own surprises, but this time I had no idea. It was great. Even though we had to leave the next day it was fun to be able to spend some quality time with Ash since we live so far away from eachother. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!

this weekend

This weekend was pretty crazy. So much happened!

Scott's best friend Matt was getting married this last weekend to a sweet girl named Jill. Scott's parents bought us plan tickets to Colorado for the wedding because they didnt want Scott to have to miss such an important day just because we were dirt poor. haha So we flew out there Friday afternoon. Unfortuantly I made a really bad choice on the way to the airport... I had been DYING to try one of those 5 hour energy shots for a while now. Im really used to energy drinks like Rockstar and I figured since everyone said it was really awesome I would give it a try...on an empty stomach...in the car...on the 45 minute drive to the airport. WORST IDEA EVER!!!! I already get motion sickness in the car, so I was so jittery and anxious that by the time we got to the airport I threw up in a bush. I know, I'm such a lady.

We got some water in the airport and I felt better, until I was waiting in line and there was like 20 teenage boys way too close to my bubble. I started having a little panic attack and by the time we got on the plane I felt like I was gonna pass out. To make a lons story short, there was storms over DIA and we had to wait 45 minutes after boarding to be able to take off, and then we were 7th in line for the runway, another 45 minutes. Man I was freaking out. By the time we took off there was a ton of turbulance. (p.s. I never really get scared on planes, they are actually kind of fun) but this was amplified because of my crazy drink.

On the plane I had a full blown panic attack. My family genetically suffers from panic attacks and anxiety. I don't get them a lot, but I do get them. The last time I had one was a year ago in a Texas Roadhouse that was way to crowded! If you have never felt a panic attack, they are honestly horrible, and I am not exaggerating. All of the sudden there is this all consuming fear. Your chest tightens, you hyperventilate, your lips and tounge go dumb, and no matter what you do you cannot calm down. Luckily there was a nurse sitting in the aisle right across from me and she told me she sees people in the ER all the time because of those things. She was so nice, she talked me through techniques to calm down and it helped so much even though I was so embarrased and felt dumb :)

Once we got to Colorado and off that plane life was a lot better haha. My parents and Scott's met at Outback and we finally got some food! The rest of the trip went very well. Matt and Jill got married on Saturday morning in the Denver Temple. I was excited because I had never been in this one before and it was my home temple. Its pretty small compared to Salt Lake but still beautiful!

The sealing was really special, so sweet and you could just tell they loved eachother so much. Afterward Jill loved gorgeous in her dress and they took pictures outside. At around 1pm we went to their luncheon and per-took in the glorios buffet of food complete with chocolate fondue fountain.

Right after Scott and I headed over to Lodo's in Highlands Ranch to meet up with my long lost best friend Kendra. Kendra and I were best friends for many years and due to pride on both parts, we just fell away. But when I saw here it just reminded me of how much I just love that girl and always have, we almost cried talking about old time and fun things we did. She was such a good friend to me, probably the truest I have ever had and nobody has ever made me laugh harder. We met with her guy she has been seeing and he was really nice. Just seeing her made we want to move back to CO ASAP!

After that we heade back over to a reception in the park for Matt and Jill. They had the sweetest little reception outside in a park, and they took so much time decorating it, and the prettiest cake that Jill herself made! It was so cute. During the dances Scott even got teared up over Matt, and he never cries. It was a really special day. The next day we headed back to Utah after staying with my family who I always love to see, and now we are home. PHEW! what a fast and crazy weekend.

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

This is SUCH a moving video. When you think about your life, it's hard to imagine being able to have that much faith, compassion, and love that you could forgive something like this. But through Christ, anything is possible.
(to watch the video, scroll down to my music and put it on pause :D)

Right now...

Right now.... I am thinking about life and the choices I have made

This morning... I didn't want to leave my comfortable bed and my sweet husband sleeping like an angel.

At lunchtime... I was sitting with my pre-k class feasting on PB&J

Today I...got faced with a lot of things to think about. It hit me in the face.

My husband...is out working hard. I can't explain how much I love him.

My friends...are incredible. They always make me feel better.

My sisters...are the weirdest and funniest people I know.

My head feels...Stressed about all the options I have in front of me.

I can't wait...to be in Colorado this weekend and see my family.

I will...do the laundry...eventually.

My dad used to say.... all sorts of funny jokes and then laughs out loud. He still does.

Right now... Im happy and in love.

What about you?